As a child, we always get asked what we want to be when we get older. We can tell people a doctor, teacher, or something out of this world crazy. At this time our mind is truly full of endless possibilities, this is how our life still is to this day just a little more chaotic. Each day we wake up not knowing what we are going to face. Mental Illness only makes this 100 % more unpredictable. I wake up knowing that today could be as calm as the sea before a storm, or it could be the eye of a tornado tearing through a town. We honestly never know, this is how I feel waking up each day not knowing what I am going to get and at what moment in time my day can be changed like the flip of a light switch. Most people who know me see me as someone with things put together and with a smile on my face. Honestly, most days on the inside I am screaming and struggling. My anxiety and depression cripple me for some days. I would love to stay in bed but as a fire-wife, mom of 3, stepmom to 1 and a full time parapro it isn’t an option. I would love to have a day off of my duties but again it isn’t an option. To all the women and moms who keep pushing on, I am proud of each of you! My endless possibilities sometimes look the same day in and day out because I am afraid of change and afraid that change might set off my husband who struggles with mental illness as well. This blog is a way for me to voice my struggles and remind myself that my possibilities are still and always will be endless and I have the power to change them.
